Check my recap from last week to see how we got here. And check my recap of last week’s results to see why I’m getting bored-er and bored-er right when it should be getting exciting-er and exciting-er.
You know your celebrity dancing show may have jumped the shark when you spend a ton of time creating tension about the celebrity’s chances of advancing to the Finals based on the incompetence of her pro partner. That’s what happened this week when lifelong hip hop dancer Zendaya brought her own choreographer to rehearsals and spent most of the rehearsal package laughing at Val Chmerkovskiy‘s attempts to dance hip hop. At one point, she said genuinely and unironically that she was proud of how hard he was trying. Chmerkovskiy finally sent her away and spent time with the teacher himself. As much as I enjoy this show, this did not sit well with me. If you’re not even going to pretend that your celebrity is facing a challenge by dancing, it’s not the same show you promised to the audience.
Here is a pre-cap of tomorrow’s results, made possible by how boringly predictable this season is: Zendaya is in the bottom two (with a lot of hoo-ha about her low quickstep score tonight and admonishments to get back on track) but in a move that surprises no one, Ingo Rademacher goes home. I may pre-cap the finals too just to make the show fun again for a week.
Other things of note from last night’s show:
- Carrie Ann Inaba screamed like that annoying lady you can always hear at the Spurs games.
- Zendaya wore the outfit that Bruce Lee wore in “House of Games”, which is also the outfit that Uma Thurman wore in “Kill Bill” and somehow knows Kobe Bryant.
- Far too many Baltimore Ravens are weirdly knowledgeable of and invested in Jacoby Jones’ chase for the Mirrorball.
- Aly Raisman‘s afrojazz number was reminiscent of but not as fun as Shawn Johnson’s Bhangra.
- Stories about “the journey” to the dance floor are way less fun than the actual dancing.
- Anytime anyone sings a Maroon 5 song that’s not Adam Levine, it just doesn’t sound right
As always see the summary up top, then scroll down to for the details.
Foregone Conclusions
Jacoby Jones: Peaking at exactly the right time
Aly Raisman: Unfortunately for Jacoby, also peaking at the right time
Kellie Pickler: Two great dances and still somehow lost in a mass of great dances
Zendaya: First sloppy dance of the season followed by the best mockery DWTS has ever made of itself
Stranger Things Have Happened . . . No they haven’t
Ingo Rademacher: Not too bad, but absolutely no chance at a Mirrorball
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Jacoby Jones
Partner: Karina Smirnoff
Dance 1: Argentine tango to an unattributed “Godfather knockoff” (10,10,10)
Dance 2: Lindy Hop to Cherry Poppin’ Daddies “Ding Dong Daddy of the D-Car Line” (10,9,10)
- My Pre-Season ranking: In Like Rycroft
- My Ranking after Week 1: In Like Rycroft … but room for improvement.
- My Ranking after Week 2: Better this week, but still couldn’t beat Rycroft 3
- My Ranking after Week 3: If he’s this good at the sexy dances, he’s a legit contender
- My Ranking after Week 4: “Get that booty in and you could win this thing.”
- My Ranking after Week 5: Kellie got a better score, but this was a better dance
- My Ranking after Week 6: Hit a speedbump this week … but he’s still rollin’
- My Ranking after Week 7: If Aly’s getting better scores than Jacoby, he better look in the mirror
- My Ranking after Week 8: Better than last week, hope next week is better than this week
- My Ranking after the Semi-Finals: Gaining momentum, still needs more
Aly Raisman
Partner: Mark Ballas
Dance 1: Rumba to Bruno Mars’ “When I was Your Man” (10,10,10)
Dance 2: Afrojazz to an unattributed tribal sounding jam (10,9,10)
- My Pre-Season ranking: Bad Omens
- My Ranking after Week 1: Good dancer, Great Robot
- My Ranking after Week 2: This will be a tough year for a Robot to win this thing
- My Ranking after Week 3: Moving in the right direction
- My Ranking after Week 4: Not my cup of tea, but I don’t matter at all
- My Ranking after Week 5: Siri, do me a samba
- My Ranking after Week 6: “An understated performer”
- My Ranking after Week 7: Finally shed her titanium shell and danced like a human!
- My Ranking after Week 8: No longer a non-threatening robot, now a terrifying Cylon
- My Ranking after the Semi-Finals: It’s hers to lose at this point given the wave she’s riding
Kellie Pickler
Partner: Derek Hough
Dance 1: Argentine Tango to an unattributed tango sounding jam (10,10,10)
Dance 2: Flamenco to an unattributed guitar /clapping joint (9,10,9)
- My Pre-Season ranking: In Like Rycroft
- My Ranking after Week 1: Rycroft Belle
- My Ranking after Week 2: Melissa Rycroft has left the building 1
- My Ranking after Week 3: I wasn’t so impressed, but she’s definitely go the benefit of the doubt from me
- My Ranking from Week 4: A second week of not-as-perfect-as-her-first-two-weeks
- My Ranking from Week 5: Everybody loves Kellie
- My Ranking after Week 6: She got 10’s. That means Derek has to buy her shoes!!!
- My Ranking after Week 7: Another night on the dance floor, another couple 10’s. Yawn.
- My Ranking after Week 8: Finally . . . some drama, but oh, poor Kellie!
- My Ranking after the Semi-Finals: Somehow lost in the mix these days
Zendaya
Partner: Valentin Chmerkovskiy
Dance 1: Quickstep to Noisettes’ “Don’t Give Up” (8,8,9)
Dance 2: Hip hop to Chris Brown’s “Fine China” (10,10,10)
- My Pre-Season ranking: Hmmmm
- My Ranking after Week 1: Wow!! Rycroft ++++
- My Ranking after Week 2: Melissa Rycroft WISHES she danced this well
- My Ranking after Week 3: Boringly great
- My Ranking after Week 4: It’s a race to second place.
- My Ranking after Week 5: Next week they should make her dance on her hands
- My Ranking after Week 6: Yes, I got some honeysuckle chocolate-chippin’ kisses full of love for this dance
- My Ranking after Week 7: Sunny and 72
- My Ranking after Week 8: Don’t worry, no seriously don’t worry
- My Ranking after the Semi-Finals: So good it actually made me not want to watch anymore
Ingo Rademacher
Partner: Kym Johnson
Dance 1: Samba to Maroon 5’s “One More Night” (8,8,8)
Dance 2: Charleston to Bugsy Malone’s “Fat Sam’s Grand Slam” (9,9,9)
- My Pre-Season ranking: Bad Omens
- My Ranking after Week 1: Intrigued … but the jury’s still out
- My Ranking after Week 2: Still intrigued
- My Ranking after Week 3: STILL intrigued
- My Ranking after Week 4: Has this guy actually got a chance?
- My Ranking after Week 5: Skating through to next week?
- My Ranking after Week 6: A very happy birthday indeed!
- My Ranking after Week 7: Lucky he got a second chance at the rumba in the dance off
- My Ranking after Week 8: Channeling Andy Dick . . . that can’t be good
- My Ranking after the Semi-Finals: Stranger things have happened … no they haven’t
